Monday, March 24, 2025

**Naschy-a-Thon 3: Blood, Beasts, and Batshit Brilliance**



Alright, so here we are again. Another night, another Paul Naschy marathon, because life’s too short to watch boring movies, and nobody—NOBODY—delivered unhinged gothic horror like Spain’s own musclebound, mustachioed Lon Chaney-on-steroids. Three films, three flavors of madness, and let me tell you, this batch left me feeling like I’d been locked in a crypt for 72 hours with a gallon of absinthe and a stack of *Eerie* magazines. Let’s dig in.  

### **Human Beasts (1980) – The Naschy Noir Nightmare**  
Ever wonder what would happen if Naschy tried his hand at a grimy revenge thriller but couldn’t resist turning it into a surreal horror fever dream? That’s *Human Beasts*, and it’s as bizarre as it sounds. He’s a mercenary who double-crosses some gun-toting psychos, takes a bullet, and winds up at a secluded estate where a creepy family nurses him back to health… or do they? Because people start disappearing, pigs are eating things they probably shouldn’t be eating, and by the time you realize this is some *Texas Chain Saw Massacre* nightmare filtered through a Eurotrash haze, it’s too late. You’re in. The pacing stumbles, sure, but it’s got this nihilistic death-trip energy that sucks you down into the grave and holds you there.  

### **Horror Rises from the Tomb (1973) – Prime Naschy Carnage**  
This, my friends, is *the* Naschy film. If you only see one (but why would you do that to yourself?), make it this one. You’ve got Naschy as the satanic warlock Alaric de Marnac, who, in the first five minutes, gets beheaded and vows unholy vengeance. Fast-forward to the present (which is still weirdly medieval), and wouldn’t you know it, some dumbasses dig up his head and body, slap ‘em together, and kick off a nonstop parade of black magic, throat-slitting, and people making terrible decisions in dark, cursed castles. The atmosphere? Thick as graveyard fog. The blood? Buckets. The nudity? Frequent. The sense of creeping doom? Relentless. It’s Spanish horror at its most gloriously excessive, like *Tombs of the Blind Dead* on amphetamines.  

### **Dr. Jekyll vs. The Werewolf (1972) – Pure Monster Kid Insanity**  
Nobody—NOBODY—needed a *Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde* / werewolf crossover, but Naschy made one anyway, because why the hell not? Here we’ve got his eternal alter ego, Waldemar Daninsky, turning to Jekyll’s grandson for a cure to his lycanthropy. Logical, right? Except, oops—bad move! Because instead of solving his werewolf problem, he just adds *Hyde mode* to his resume, meaning we get the incredible spectacle of Naschy fighting *himself*. This movie plays out like some fevered Monster Kid dream from the back pages of *Famous Monsters of Filmland*, only way bloodier, sleazier, and way more melodramatic. It’s what happens when you throw Universal Horror, Hammer Horror, and pure Eurotrash madness into a blender, then pour it all over a Spanish castle set.  

### **Final Verdict – A Gothic Horror Buzzsaw**  
This lineup had it all: existential doom, satanic rituals, tragic werewolf romance, and enough arterial spray to keep a drive-in audience hooting deep into the night. *Horror Rises from the Tomb* is the stone-cold classic, *Dr. Jekyll vs. The Werewolf* is a gonzo monster romp, and *Human Beasts* is a brutal, brain-frying detour into Naschy’s weirder instincts. Would I do another Naschy-a-thon? What kind of stupid question is that? Of course I would. Naschy is horror cinema’s midnight whiskey shot—raw, wild, and guaranteed to leave you in a foggy, blood-drenched haze.

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